One step backwards

And that’s about how life feels right now friends.  The old two steps forward, one step backwards.

I had a feeling that I would feel a little out of sorts after the (tissue expander implant exchange) operation.  Correct.  At the hospital cocooned in pain killers and continual medical check ups, I was mostly just thinking about the state of my bazookas.  Back home, I’m more effected by the emotional turmoil that is, isn’t it about time all this was bl**dy over and I can get back to normal?!

To be fair this is all down to one major factor.  I’m really tired.  So tired that I keep needing to go and lay down  and after months of chemo related exhaustion, it feels too soon to be so tired again.  And I have to go to work tomorrow.  And how am I supposed to cope with that when all I want to do is get horizontal?  And am I just being a wuss??

Which led me to wondering did I do this operation too soon?  I only finished chemo a couple of months ago after all.    At least this line of thought has given me some clarity.   I most certainly didn’t.   I want my life (or at least energy) back, and it’s not really going to feel that way until all is said and done – as in I have a nipple reconstruction, nipple tattoos and finish herceptin.  The daily tamoxifen for 5 years I can deal with.   But for the rest, I need to keep marching towards that finish line.  Even when it means down time.

Yes this feels tough, but I am once more reminded, I can do tough.  Like my running coach said to me a few weeks back ‘tough times don’t last but tough people do’.   So I will rest and recuperate and gradually over the next few weeks return to a place of relative normality (as monitored by my ability to go running!).     And as soon as I am able, the nipples get it.  Actually I get the nipples.